Why Coaching (Not Telling) Keeps Your Best People
Many leaders say they care about employee retention.
Far fewer realise that how they lead every day is one of the biggest factors influencing whether people stay or leave.
Let me be clear:
Most managers think they’re coaching.
In reality, they’re telling.
And while telling might feel efficient in the moment, it slowly erodes ownership, confidence, and engagement. That’s not just a leadership issue — it’s a retention risk.
If you’re serious about keeping good people, coaching isn’t optional. It’s strategic.
Coaching Is Not Telling (Even When Intentions Are Good)
Most managers were promoted because they’re capable, experienced, and results‑driven. So when someone brings you a problem, your instinct is to help by stepping in with the answer.
It feels responsible.
It feels efficient.
It feels like leadership.
But there’s a cost.
1. Telling Solves Your Problem — Not Theirs
When you tell someone what to do, you become the hero.
You get the quick win. The decision is made. The task moves forward.
But your people don’t:
- Learn how to think through the issue
- Build confidence in their own judgement
- Develop problem‑solving capability
Instead, they develop dependence.
That dependence might look like engagement at first — lots of questions, lots of check‑ins — but over time it becomes frustration. People stop growing. Decision‑making stalls. Capability flattens.
That’s not coaching.
That’s control.
And control is a poor long‑term retention strategy.
2. Coaching Builds Thinkers, Not Followers
Effective leadership coaching is not about having better answers — it’s about asking better questions.
Coaching shifts the focus from:
- Telling → Asking
- Directing → Exploring
- Solving → Developing
Questions like:
- “What do you think is really going on here?”
- “What options have you considered?”
- “What might you try first?”
My go‑to coaching question?
“What else?”
Because the first answer is usually just the starting point. Curiosity creates thinking. Thinking builds confidence. Confidence drives ownership.
When leaders coach:
- Capability increases
- Decision quality improves
- Leaders stop being the bottleneck
When leaders tell, they get speed today — but limit performance tomorrow.
3. Coaching Improves Employee Retention
People don’t leave because they’re challenged.
They leave because they feel unheard, undervalued, and micromanaged.
Coaching sends a powerful message:
“I trust you.”
“Your thinking matters.”
“I’m invested in your development.”
Telling sends the opposite:
“Do it my way.”
“I know best.”
“Just execute.”
One builds commitment.
The other builds compliance — until people find a workplace where they’re treated with trust.
If you’re experiencing higher turnover, disengagement, or quiet quitting, it’s worth asking:
How often do your leaders genuinely listen?
From Telling to Coaching: Practical Shifts Leaders Can Make
Leadership coaching doesn’t require a qualification — it requires intention.
Ask More, Tell Less
Before offering advice, ask first:
- “What do you think?”
- “What’s your perspective?”
Then pause. Silence creates thinking space.
Listen More Than You Speak
A simple guideline: 80% listening. 20% talking.
If you’re listening to reply, you’re not coaching. You’re preparing to tell.
Make Coaching a Habit
Coaching isn’t:
- A one‑off conversation
- A quarterly performance discussion
- A compliance activity
It’s a daily leadership behaviour. Small moments. Regular questions. Ongoing investment.
This is how leadership capability — and retention — compound over time.
Coaching Is a Strategic Retention Lever
If people aren’t encouraged to think, solve problems, and grow:
- Engagement drops
- Confidence erodes
- And eventually, they leave
Not because they wanted out — but because they couldn’t see progress.
Coaching isn’t soft.
It’s human‑centred leadership in action.
And it’s one of the most effective employee retention tools leaders have.
Ready to Commit to coaching-led leadership?
If this resonates and you’re noticing that how you lead might be impacting engagement or retention, you’re not alone.
Many leaders were promoted for being good at doing the work — not for developing people. Coaching is a skill, and like any skill, it can be learned, practised, and embedded.
This is exactly the work I do with leaders and leadership teams — helping them shift from telling and controlling to coaching, curiosity, and trust through practical, human‑centred leadership development.
If you’d like to explore what coaching‑led leadership could look like in your context, get in touch using the form below.
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